Well. I have been pondering this blog entry for a little while... since joining vox I have to admit I have sorely underused it.. I have blogs elsewhere but even those have been somewhat neglected....
...why?
I guess I - like many people - write blog entries when they come across something they feel passionate about or they have an experience that causes an emotional high or low.
For instance the catalyst behind starting this post was something that happened to me yesterday, I found out something that perhaps I would have been better not knowing.. my reaction to this newfound knowledge was shock, hurt, anger and then mostly sadness. A friend of mine in trying to find out what caused this upset suggested I write a blog about it.
This made me think.
Whilst I understand the cathartic value of purging yourself via your blog...do I really want to lay open my soul and flog my emotions in public?
After all its bad enough when you rediscover the diaries you kept in your youth and cringe at the things that seemed so important, that now, well now seem trivial
The same friend recently wrote a piece - Think of the Children which questions the impact that all these blogs and social networking sites may have on ours and our children's (!) futures... its a thought provoking piece and one that makes you wonder...
Do I honestly want any children I may have in the future being able to read what I got up to throughout my life in full technicolour? shouldn't there be some mystery?
Would we want our children to know that perhaps we weren't sure? or how relationships were truly started and conducted in brutal detail? Would they ever be able to look at us the same if they knew certain aspects of life preceding them?
Likewise do I want some random person who I have never and will never meet to be able to see my most innermost thoughts and heartbreak?
I for one have never been all that good at sharing how I feel (there are many that would agree with this statement) and when posed with the thought should I blog about how yesterday made me feel I paused and took stock.
I have brilliant lovely friends and an amazing boyfriend...do I really need to share how I feel publicly?
I think the answer is most likely... no not really.
There are definitely elements of my life I am more than happy to share and will continue to do so (think its about time I started to maintain this blog all said and done) but some things are best left alone.
I would never want to name and shame people or put down in writing hurt and anger, I dont believe this to be positive.
As for what happened yesterday?
I'm going to take it as a life lesson. The experience shocked me a bit and hurt me definitely. But you know what? I have come to the conclusion there is little benefit to addressing the situation directly.
I have always been very bad at removing people from my life that hurt me. I have a terrible habit of not wanting to upset people and do this often to my detriment...and the result? I keep people around me that quite frankly I shouldn't.
Yesterday I threatened to prune my life somewhat... Pruning have I done so? not really. Should I have? most certainly. Does this make me weak? probably.
But I guess it also makes me...well me. I am who I am and I have to live with that.
